Episode 3: Stress Management

Episode 3: Stress Management 

Written by: Roger

Filmed in Wichita, KS

Within the chaos of parenting comes stress. It comes in different shapes and sizes, but it always comes. In the Martin household, it has always started with a cute face and blond hair. We're four cute blondies in and the stress has continued to multiply. Here's the thing about kids (yes, I was talking about kids this whole time in case anyone is still tragically lost in my little metaphor). Even at a young age, they all come prepackaged with their own stressors...some of which don't mix well.

Take our oldest son (age 5), for example. Incorrect grammar, sentence structure, or skewed seating arrangements gets his blood pressure rising. Our oldest daughter (age 8)? She's stressed by being corrected.

Imagine a scenario where our daughter comes to the dinner table and sits in the "wrong" chair (we're already off to a bad start). Pleasantries are exchanged and seats re-arranged. Life is good. But...then conversation starts. Our daughter begins telling about her day at school, while our son interjects at very inopportune times with "Well...", "I don't think...", or [insert any mispronounced word] repeated with the correct pronunciation of [insert original, mispronounced word]. About 3 interjections in and our very calm, even keel daughter briefly has a facial makeover.

Oh, but let's elaborate on this little friendly dinner scene. Our youngest daughter (age 3) gets stressed about improperly cubed pieces of chicken. Her way of trying to fix the issue is through a healthy dose of tears. Meanwhile, at any given point in the evening, our youngest son (age 2 months) may break out into a rehearsal of "Ave Maria" (for some reason, he only practices the aaaaaa part). His stress is hunger pangs. 

 If you think the above scenario is a bit far-fetched, our oldest son will quickly point out your error.

Which brings us to Jen and I. The above scenario equates to a lot of noise, which unfortunately for Jen, is one of her stressors. A stressed Momma combined with a flood of tears, a poor rendition of "Ave Maria", and a school story gone bad is generally the opposite of peace. This, unfortunately, leads to one of my stressors...a lack of peace. And, that's just dinner time.

Throw in a little sickness here and there, a parent who works rotating shifts, piles of dishes and clothes, and the occasional locking oneself out of the house with the kids still inside...and you get a quiver of chaos. For those wondering why we haven't asked you over to our house for dinner in awhile...now you know why.

For most, if not all, of us parents, stress is inevitable. And just like bad weather, there are times it can't be prevented. Even so, I strongly believe stress can be managed, possibly preventing the worst effects from happening. Intentional has been my challenge word this year. We have to be intentional in the management of stress. It isn't always easy and sometimes takes years to really get a good handle on.

If a stressor can be removed safely, go for it! Otherwise, instead of getting stressed about preventing stress, why not focus on trying to mitigate the effects of stress? In other words, be intentional about finding ways to keep stress from having as negative of an impact as it otherwise could. Generally speaking, a house can't be moved immediately prior to a tornado hitting it. But, action can be taken to put you and your family in the safest place possible when the tornado hits. Like tornadoes, stress will come. If you can't get out of the way, be sure to put yourself in the safest place possible. Set yourself up for success to weather the storm.

If you are struggling with stress at home with the kiddos and need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out. We are still figuring it all out, but would love to share what we are learning, or just be a sounding board.

Episode 2: Rush Hour

In the city, evening rush hour starts at what, 5 pm or so? In our house, it starts just before 7 and is often accompanied by loud "horns", traffic jams, and accidents. As chaotic as it can get, Jen and I have managed to keep the flow of traffic mostly organized, with minimal accidents. With the addition of another "car", though, our organization is being tested, and our current traffic management system is falling apart.

Quick question. How many of you used to, or perhaps still do, play SimCity? I'll raise both hands to that! I loved that game, and still do (I still have a copy if I can ever get it to play along nice with Windows 7). Next question...and this one may not be as well known. Anyone ever play SimCopter? I'm not seeing as many hands. I don't know if that one ever got anywhere near the popularity of SimCity, but the gist of it is you are a helicopter pilot in a SimCity. Your task is to fight crime, traffic, and fires. Kind of sounds like our house during rush hour...

The problem with young kids is that their little GPS' are in the beta stage. If they're not careful, they can quickly get off-course and not even realize it. The other night, I told our oldest son (age 5) to head west to go take a shower. He took one step forward, then something went terribly wrong and he immediately did a 180 and headed east to go see his baby brother. Fortunately, the developer is a solid programmer, and these diversions tend to lessen with age. But, for now, we are faced with four "cars" running a beta-version GPS.

Let's see what that looks like. Around 7, playtime ends and rush hour begins. Showers and baths come first. You'd think that would be simple, right? Well, our oldest daughter (age 7) has a tendency to forget things...namely her towel and shutting the shower off. Our oldest son has no sense of time (tonight he spent 10 minutes scratching his back instead of washing). Our youngest daughter just wants to be a mermaid and float in the bath forever, but then complains when her skin gets wrinkled. Our youngest...well he can't do anything. He's 3 weeks old. His game of choice is to cry as loud as he can while he tries to understand why he is suddenly cold and wet.

Brushing teeth and a visit to the pharmacy are the next on the list. The problem here is getting the toothpaste ON THE TOOTHBRUSH. It's more likely the toothbrush will end up on the floor, in the sink, or Jen's favorite, near the toilet, before ever getting any toothpaste near it. Once the toothpaste is on, we tell them to brush real good. Our oldest son has perfected the 1 second brush...he's spitting before we can even finish saying to brush longer. Our youngest daughter seems to be amused at the process of spitting and I'm pretty sure she does more spitting than brushing.

Jen refers to our island countertop as a pharmacy in the evening. The kids all take some form of allergy and fluoride meds (Wichita doesn't put fluoride in the water). We pretty much line it up for them, hoping not to forget who gave who what, while also being careful not to cross-depollinate anyone.

If traffic flows smoothly, there might be some calm time in there for the kiddos (primarily geared towards the middle two who seem to have an excess of energy). Otherwise, it's book time and off to bed. By then, traffic has usually lessened. Our oldest goes to bed later than the next two, but we still have to practice traffic management with her. In general, she's never in much of a hurry to get anywhere. She's the slow car in the fast lane, but totally unaware that others are trying to pass her. At bedtime, she tries to squeak in last-minute serious conversations. "Daddy, where do babies come from?" "Honey, your bedtime was 3 hours ago, how are you not in bed yet??".

We've always felt like an organized, structured system was the best way to handle the evening chaos. The problem is, if you sit down to take a 2 minute break, 30 bedtime minutes will elapse somehow, putting everyone to bed late. So, we hover. During rush hour, Jen and I are like helicopters in SimCopter, watching for traffic, crime, and fires. We never take a break (ie. land) for fear of losing time, or some crime getting out of control.

People, just like helicopters, can't hover forever. At some point you have to land. Three "cars" didn't give much wiggle room with our traffic system...a system not designed for four. We are realizing that if we try to keep the same system going, we are simply going to crash and burn. Believe it or not, we are finding that a little less structure and organization, as well as letting some crimes go, actually seems to be making rush hour more manageable...AND peaceful.

Peaceful is the key word there. Four kids equals chaos at times. If we aren't careful, it will also equal no peace. We don't believe peace should disappear when kids appear, but we have to be intentional about keeping peace, while still keeping a healthy flow of traffic. We still believe a set bedtime is important, but we choose to be ok if it isn't right at 8:00 sharp. Did someone forget to brush? We'll do it tomorrow.

Chaos in the evening at our house is as certain as rush hour in a city, but it doesn't have to be lacking peace.

Writer: Roger
Filmed: Wichita, Kansas

Episode 1: Pilot

Quiver. What on earth is a quiver?? Isn't that a verb? Well, if you look a bit deeper in a dictionary, you'll find another definition - "A case for holding or carrying arrows". Sounds like a promising story line, right? I mean, who doesn't love a good basket-of-arrows adventure? Stick with me for a few minutes. Isn't that what pilot episodes are for anyways...a way to see if you might want to keep watching?

Let's pick up the story during the winter season of 2018-19 where my wife and I live with three young kids in a cozy, Kansas home.

One evening, we chatted about how convinced we were that three kids was our limit. Between an ever-changing work schedule (I work rotating shifts), one kid with more energy than his little body can contain, and another kid who is a teenager in a three-year old's body, we decided this was a great place to stop. To stop requires action. "An ounce of prevention...". As it turns out, we got our measurements mixed up and only used half an ounce of prevention.

[Cue the squiggly lines on-screen as we fast-forward in time to October 2019]

The scene is still that cozy home in Kansas, but the "quiver" is fuller...four little arrows now, to be exact.

Some kids are planned, some are not. Our fourth was not. It never sounds right to call a kid an accident, so I won't. But this one was not on the quiver purchase order. Unexpected or not, there is still love in our hearts for another little one. Chaos already existed with three, but four ups the ante. So we say, let the chaos begin! 

Ok, so that last exclamation point is probably fake news. We know having four young kids will not be easy, but we also know there will be moments where we can't help, but just laugh. If you're still interested, come along with us as we embark on this new, exciting, and somewhat terrifying, journey of raising four kids.