Episode 6: Bandaids and Bedtime

It shouldn’t come as any surprise that candy often tops kids’ lists of favorite things. What might surprise you is what is 2^nd on that list. It’s not pizza, toys, or pools…it’s bandaids. Well, maybe that’s just my kids. In our house, you’d almost think that the kiddos want to get hurt just so they can get a bandaid (with complementary candy, of course). 

But, they seem to be confused about the purpose of bandaids. Our youngest daughter (age 4), for example, seems to think that bandaids are the cure for any pain in the extremities. Case in point, last night Jen and I were awakened by a knock on our bedroom door. Apparently, our daughter’s bandaid fell off her “mangled” finger (and by mangled, I mean a finger with a minor itch). Jen was not amused. Jen fixed the bandaid and sent her packing. An hour or so later, I was awakened by a squeaky closet door being opened in the hallway outside our bedroom. At two in the morning, there shouldn’t be any closet doors opening. It was my turn, so I stumbled out of bed to hear a 4-year old scurrying out of the hallway and back into her room. In a strange turn of events, she closed her door and then began knocking on it (I think she was trying to hide the fact that she was snooping around the closet).

When I opened her door, the shields dropped and she immediately confessed to looking in the hall closet for more bandaids. Apparently the recently replaced bandaid had fallen off and was nowhere to be found. As any good Dad would do, I explained to her, in short, direct tones, that it’s two o’clock in the morning and that if the finger isn’t bleeding, the finger doesn’t need a bandaid. What her itchy finger needed was sleep. Tonight is a new night, but even as I type this, I can hear Jen explaining to her in the next room that she doesn’t need another bandaid. If given the choice between candy and a bandaid, our 4-year old might choose a bandaid.

As hard as it is to convince a 4-year-old that she doesn’t need a bandaid, it’s equally as hard to convince a 6-year-old that the bandaids can’t stay on forever. Kids are more afraid of the pain of taking a bandaid off than they are of the actually injury that required the bandaid in the first place. I think the tougher bandaids are made to last because kids want to keep them on for six months. When I was a kid, my parents told me the bandaid needed to come off so my wound could breathe. I can’t speak to the validity of that, but it worked on me, so I just keep trying it with my kids. Our kids would prefer their cuts suffocate.

The baby (age 1) isn’t into the bandaid game yet, but I know his day is coming. For now, his joy is finding a used bandaid that has “jumped off” the hand of one of his siblings. For him, he actually thinks the bandaid is candy. Since bandaids can be found stuck to the carpet, chairs, or wall, it’s basically like an Easter egg hunt to him. Unlike a true Easter egg hunt, though, Jen and I don’t know when the eggs are being hidden or where. And that…makes the quiver a bit chaotic.

Written by Roger

Filmed in Kansas

Episode 5: Social Distancing Part II

One of the worst parts of watching a show is the words “To Be Continued…”, especially if it is the season finale. Well, apparently our last post in April was the spring season finale. But good news! The budget has been approved and the fall season of the Quiver of Chaos is back!

We ended last season being faced with the uncertainty of COVID  – what it meant to be safe, how to stay connected, and how to homeschool without actually homeschooling. Deep down, I’m not sure we were convinced the storm would last as long as it has. But here we are, nine months in, and the storm is still going. Let’s get the cameras rolling and see how the Martin household is faring. Oh my, what is going on in the foyer area?? We’ll come back to that shortly…

School has returned, but it looks different. Some students have opted out of public school, with the rest a mix of in person and virtual. After a lot of prayer and thought, we decided to send our kids back in person. Our school system has done a great job of doing school as smartly as possible, but it wouldn’t be worth a mention if there wasn’t a little bit of chaos, right?

The school bus is a no-go, which means we drop off and pick up the kids each day. Jen actually likes this because it is an excuse to get out of the house (yes, we have still mostly stayed in the house for the past nine months, so any excuse to get out is exciting). Twice daily trips to and from the school (a 40 min roundtrip) means a tighter schedule in the morning and afternoon (naps, snack time, etc.). Oh, and our youngest daughter now goes to Pre-K, which adds an extra trip three times a week. Somehow Jen manages some magic and gets all three kids picked up in one fell swoop on time during those afternoons when all are in school.

Remember the chaos in the foyer? To keep things fluid and ready, we’ve basically made the front door foyer area a walk-in closet that is regularly stocked with backpacks, to-go snacks, lots of shoes, and a random assortment of jackets and hats. Cleanliness is still important to us, but you might not know it if you were to walk in our front door.

Speaking of our front door, the last time someone, without the last name Martin, walked through it was February. But don’t worry, it’s still getting good use. And by good use, I mean a regular pounding of small hands running in and out to play (our kids haven’t mastered the art of treating the front, glass door like it is actually made of glass). But an entryway into the outdoors being used frequently means the kids are spending more time outside. Even before COVID hit, that was a hope of ours. While the door probably gets squeamish when the kids run at it, the motivation for them running is good. And, I must say, the weather this fall and early winter in Kansas has been nothing short of great. Let the outdoor games continue!

Back on the education front, in-person learning has returned, but not without its challenges. Each day we cautiously check our emails wondering if the day has come to switch back to virtual only. So far that day hasn’t come, but it adds a level of daily uncertainty that wouldn’t be present in a normal year. So, each day and week we prepare the kids with the assumption of in-person learning continuing, while trying to keep them prepared for the possibility of change.

Then there’s the daily monitoring for any COVID-related symptoms, and what constitutes a call to the doctor and the school and what is just dust mites. This is made tougher by 3 kids who suffer with seasonal allergies, 2 who suffer with animal-related allergies, and one with food allergies. This means the probability of a runny nose on any given day is pretty high. Oh, and then there’s the baby who is still developing general immunities. In a strange turn of events, and by the grace of God, this cold and flu season has been remarkably quiet in our house. For reference, some seasons have hit us hard as early as September.

At school, pickup and drop-off looks different. The kids’ temps are checked before even getting out of the van. Too warm? No school. Once in school, masks are to be worn at all times, and any sign of sickness gets an immediate call to parents. There is no lunch in the cafeteria, and certain extracurricular activities no longer occur. The class sizes are small to allow the kids to be more separated in the classrooms. Some days all kids are present, but many days some are absent. Our oldest daughter came home in tears one day because she was missing a fellow classmate who had been out for weeks. In-person learning has its advantages, but it isn’t perfect either.

Once back at home, we’ve transitioned to having the kids get all cleaned up soon after school instead of waiting until after dinner. We clean their masks and water bottles and get them ready for the next day of school that we assume, and hope, will happen.

When warm days come around, we try to take family walks, or sometimes one of us will walk with a kid or two. Something other than being in the house is our goal, especially when the weather is nice, while also trying to be safe. We’ve found some favorite spots to walk and ride bikes, and sometimes we simply get in our van and take a drive around the city (about an hour-long drive).

Church is still virtual-only, but we try to treat each Sunday as if we we’re actually going (it helps to keep that time important). Typically, Jen and I will tune in to the livestream of the service, then have a separate time with the kids. Jen has done a great job making the time important for the kids.

For me, work has mostly remained the same. I still go into my office on a regular basis, although the lack of people in the building makes it seem like a perpetual weekend. The main impact to home life is that I telework from time to time (something I never did before COVID). On the infrequent days this occurs, I help get the kids off to school, then it’s off to my makeshift office (a desk in our bedroom) for 8 hours. The commute is stellar!

As chaotic as the world has been at times, we’re finding ways to keep the chaos minimized at the house. It’s required a change in priorities, a renewed focus on being content (not the easiest sell), and some extra creativity.

We hope life returns to a more “normal” state soon, but we also hope that the lessons learned in quarantine will have a positive impact moving forward.

Written by Roger
Filmed in Kansas

Episode 4: Social Distancing Part I

On March 12th of this year, I told Jen it's time to shut it down. I mean, like really shut it all down. A "storm" was coming and we needed to take shelter. Here in Kansas, taking shelter is a regular occurrence. For our family, that involves 30 minutes or so of being in close quarters in our safe room, hoping the storm passes by without much fanfare. We do what we can to keep four kids calm during that short window. While it can be inconvenient, it's only a short time and it's worth it. I'm all for sheltering and taking appropriate actions, but I was less-than-enthusiastic thinking of telling Jen that she and the kids would need to "shelter" for weeks, possibly even longer, as we prepared for the arrival of  "storm" COVID.

For those who don't have kids, let me confirm everything you've heard...parents need breaks. This is especially true for any parent, like Jen, who stays at home with the kids for significant amounts of time. Nothing wrong with that, but boy did I have concerns about some of those breaks being unavailable for awhile, at least in the traditional sense.

Three weeks in, the house is still standing, Jen hasn't run away, and the kids haven't staged a coup! Being cooped up in the house hasn't been nearly as bad as I worried it would be, but it's also not been perfect. Let's take a peak into the Martin residence and see what weeks at home with four kids looks like...

To give a little background, we made the decision, from the beginning, to halt anything that involved leaving the house or being around people. At least one of our kids falls into the  higher risk category, so we want to protect her and, of course, anyone else in that category (outside of our home). The exceptions to staying home have been for work (certain parts of my job can't be done through teleworking), groceries, or emergencies. That last one is trickier than you might think.

When you take away school and other regular outings, kids get bored. In the past three weeks, we have had at least two "near-misses" for ER visits (doctor's cleared us for home monitoring with both). One incident involved a head-on-collision in the hallway and a loose baby tooth (it needs to come out anyway!). Another incident involved our oldest daughter injuring herself while re-enacting how she almost injured herself. Yeah, think about the irony of that one for a minute...

School has returned for our oldest daughter (age 8), but it's like homeschooling on steroids. We get a lesson plan emailed to us each week, along with a week's worth of homework assignments. Jen LOVES it...truly. The only thing she has to figure out is how to log into the 300 different websites the school uses for lessons, which can be tricky with rolling passwords and a daughter who doesn't know what ITO means.

Meanwhile, our youngest daughter (age 3) is thrilled to have her older brother and sister home. Playtime buddies! Interestingly, they've been playing doctor a lot and our oldest daughter even went as far as to build a mock hospital. Interesting because we haven't talked about the virus much with the kids. Heck, we still haven't actually told our oldest son that preschool is done for the season (we're working up to that one).

Hanging out with the neighbors and friends from school has turned virtual. Thank God for Skype, Zoom, Facebook, and Google Hangouts! Our oldest has even practiced "parallel play" with the neighbors (each playing the same thing, but in their own driveways). One family has regularly left messages in chalk on our driveway for our kids. It's been neat to see even the kids find creative ways to stay connected.

Back inside the "shelter", Jen and I have been doing a lot of Skyping with friends and family. My family started having weekly Zoom "meetings", just for the adults. It's good to have adult conversation and to see each other's faces (Facebook reminds us the importance of seeing faces). Our oldest has regular Zoom meetings with her teacher and her class. Somehow the teacher was able to get each of the kids to mute their mics. #success Our church has also started doing services over Zoom, although trying to get the kids to sit still in the living room doesn't have quite the same effect as it does at church.

Outside of the rogue, anomalous cold front, the number of nice weather days continues to increase with spring well underway here on the Plains! The ability to go outside is great for all of us. Three of our kids deal with outdoor allergies, but so far so good on that front, even with increased outdoor play.

This "episode" is titled Part I because Part II hasn't been written yet. There will probably even be a sequel to that sequel. Is that a threequel? Where appropriate, I believe it is good to find some humor in the midst of sadness. But, don't let that fool you into thinking life is perfect in the Martin casa. Cabin fever, unscheduled homeschooling, and a temporary hold on outings does take a toll. Oh, and there is this whole uncertainty thing.

Times like this require more intentionality...to smile, to stay connected, to love, to listen, to act in wisdom and not fear, to be creative. With everything going on, we hope our posts remind you that your aren't alone in the struggle to raise kids in the middle of a pandemic.

Written by Roger
Filmed in Kansas

Episode 3: Stress Management

Episode 3: Stress Management 

Written by: Roger

Filmed in Wichita, KS

Within the chaos of parenting comes stress. It comes in different shapes and sizes, but it always comes. In the Martin household, it has always started with a cute face and blond hair. We're four cute blondies in and the stress has continued to multiply. Here's the thing about kids (yes, I was talking about kids this whole time in case anyone is still tragically lost in my little metaphor). Even at a young age, they all come prepackaged with their own stressors...some of which don't mix well.

Take our oldest son (age 5), for example. Incorrect grammar, sentence structure, or skewed seating arrangements gets his blood pressure rising. Our oldest daughter (age 8)? She's stressed by being corrected.

Imagine a scenario where our daughter comes to the dinner table and sits in the "wrong" chair (we're already off to a bad start). Pleasantries are exchanged and seats re-arranged. Life is good. But...then conversation starts. Our daughter begins telling about her day at school, while our son interjects at very inopportune times with "Well...", "I don't think...", or [insert any mispronounced word] repeated with the correct pronunciation of [insert original, mispronounced word]. About 3 interjections in and our very calm, even keel daughter briefly has a facial makeover.

Oh, but let's elaborate on this little friendly dinner scene. Our youngest daughter (age 3) gets stressed about improperly cubed pieces of chicken. Her way of trying to fix the issue is through a healthy dose of tears. Meanwhile, at any given point in the evening, our youngest son (age 2 months) may break out into a rehearsal of "Ave Maria" (for some reason, he only practices the aaaaaa part). His stress is hunger pangs. 

 If you think the above scenario is a bit far-fetched, our oldest son will quickly point out your error.

Which brings us to Jen and I. The above scenario equates to a lot of noise, which unfortunately for Jen, is one of her stressors. A stressed Momma combined with a flood of tears, a poor rendition of "Ave Maria", and a school story gone bad is generally the opposite of peace. This, unfortunately, leads to one of my stressors...a lack of peace. And, that's just dinner time.

Throw in a little sickness here and there, a parent who works rotating shifts, piles of dishes and clothes, and the occasional locking oneself out of the house with the kids still inside...and you get a quiver of chaos. For those wondering why we haven't asked you over to our house for dinner in awhile...now you know why.

For most, if not all, of us parents, stress is inevitable. And just like bad weather, there are times it can't be prevented. Even so, I strongly believe stress can be managed, possibly preventing the worst effects from happening. Intentional has been my challenge word this year. We have to be intentional in the management of stress. It isn't always easy and sometimes takes years to really get a good handle on.

If a stressor can be removed safely, go for it! Otherwise, instead of getting stressed about preventing stress, why not focus on trying to mitigate the effects of stress? In other words, be intentional about finding ways to keep stress from having as negative of an impact as it otherwise could. Generally speaking, a house can't be moved immediately prior to a tornado hitting it. But, action can be taken to put you and your family in the safest place possible when the tornado hits. Like tornadoes, stress will come. If you can't get out of the way, be sure to put yourself in the safest place possible. Set yourself up for success to weather the storm.

If you are struggling with stress at home with the kiddos and need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out. We are still figuring it all out, but would love to share what we are learning, or just be a sounding board.

Episode 2: Rush Hour

In the city, evening rush hour starts at what, 5 pm or so? In our house, it starts just before 7 and is often accompanied by loud "horns", traffic jams, and accidents. As chaotic as it can get, Jen and I have managed to keep the flow of traffic mostly organized, with minimal accidents. With the addition of another "car", though, our organization is being tested, and our current traffic management system is falling apart.

Quick question. How many of you used to, or perhaps still do, play SimCity? I'll raise both hands to that! I loved that game, and still do (I still have a copy if I can ever get it to play along nice with Windows 7). Next question...and this one may not be as well known. Anyone ever play SimCopter? I'm not seeing as many hands. I don't know if that one ever got anywhere near the popularity of SimCity, but the gist of it is you are a helicopter pilot in a SimCity. Your task is to fight crime, traffic, and fires. Kind of sounds like our house during rush hour...

The problem with young kids is that their little GPS' are in the beta stage. If they're not careful, they can quickly get off-course and not even realize it. The other night, I told our oldest son (age 5) to head west to go take a shower. He took one step forward, then something went terribly wrong and he immediately did a 180 and headed east to go see his baby brother. Fortunately, the developer is a solid programmer, and these diversions tend to lessen with age. But, for now, we are faced with four "cars" running a beta-version GPS.

Let's see what that looks like. Around 7, playtime ends and rush hour begins. Showers and baths come first. You'd think that would be simple, right? Well, our oldest daughter (age 7) has a tendency to forget things...namely her towel and shutting the shower off. Our oldest son has no sense of time (tonight he spent 10 minutes scratching his back instead of washing). Our youngest daughter just wants to be a mermaid and float in the bath forever, but then complains when her skin gets wrinkled. Our youngest...well he can't do anything. He's 3 weeks old. His game of choice is to cry as loud as he can while he tries to understand why he is suddenly cold and wet.

Brushing teeth and a visit to the pharmacy are the next on the list. The problem here is getting the toothpaste ON THE TOOTHBRUSH. It's more likely the toothbrush will end up on the floor, in the sink, or Jen's favorite, near the toilet, before ever getting any toothpaste near it. Once the toothpaste is on, we tell them to brush real good. Our oldest son has perfected the 1 second brush...he's spitting before we can even finish saying to brush longer. Our youngest daughter seems to be amused at the process of spitting and I'm pretty sure she does more spitting than brushing.

Jen refers to our island countertop as a pharmacy in the evening. The kids all take some form of allergy and fluoride meds (Wichita doesn't put fluoride in the water). We pretty much line it up for them, hoping not to forget who gave who what, while also being careful not to cross-depollinate anyone.

If traffic flows smoothly, there might be some calm time in there for the kiddos (primarily geared towards the middle two who seem to have an excess of energy). Otherwise, it's book time and off to bed. By then, traffic has usually lessened. Our oldest goes to bed later than the next two, but we still have to practice traffic management with her. In general, she's never in much of a hurry to get anywhere. She's the slow car in the fast lane, but totally unaware that others are trying to pass her. At bedtime, she tries to squeak in last-minute serious conversations. "Daddy, where do babies come from?" "Honey, your bedtime was 3 hours ago, how are you not in bed yet??".

We've always felt like an organized, structured system was the best way to handle the evening chaos. The problem is, if you sit down to take a 2 minute break, 30 bedtime minutes will elapse somehow, putting everyone to bed late. So, we hover. During rush hour, Jen and I are like helicopters in SimCopter, watching for traffic, crime, and fires. We never take a break (ie. land) for fear of losing time, or some crime getting out of control.

People, just like helicopters, can't hover forever. At some point you have to land. Three "cars" didn't give much wiggle room with our traffic system...a system not designed for four. We are realizing that if we try to keep the same system going, we are simply going to crash and burn. Believe it or not, we are finding that a little less structure and organization, as well as letting some crimes go, actually seems to be making rush hour more manageable...AND peaceful.

Peaceful is the key word there. Four kids equals chaos at times. If we aren't careful, it will also equal no peace. We don't believe peace should disappear when kids appear, but we have to be intentional about keeping peace, while still keeping a healthy flow of traffic. We still believe a set bedtime is important, but we choose to be ok if it isn't right at 8:00 sharp. Did someone forget to brush? We'll do it tomorrow.

Chaos in the evening at our house is as certain as rush hour in a city, but it doesn't have to be lacking peace.

Writer: Roger
Filmed: Wichita, Kansas

Episode 1: Pilot

Quiver. What on earth is a quiver?? Isn't that a verb? Well, if you look a bit deeper in a dictionary, you'll find another definition - "A case for holding or carrying arrows". Sounds like a promising story line, right? I mean, who doesn't love a good basket-of-arrows adventure? Stick with me for a few minutes. Isn't that what pilot episodes are for anyways...a way to see if you might want to keep watching?

Let's pick up the story during the winter season of 2018-19 where my wife and I live with three young kids in a cozy, Kansas home.

One evening, we chatted about how convinced we were that three kids was our limit. Between an ever-changing work schedule (I work rotating shifts), one kid with more energy than his little body can contain, and another kid who is a teenager in a three-year old's body, we decided this was a great place to stop. To stop requires action. "An ounce of prevention...". As it turns out, we got our measurements mixed up and only used half an ounce of prevention.

[Cue the squiggly lines on-screen as we fast-forward in time to October 2019]

The scene is still that cozy home in Kansas, but the "quiver" is fuller...four little arrows now, to be exact.

Some kids are planned, some are not. Our fourth was not. It never sounds right to call a kid an accident, so I won't. But this one was not on the quiver purchase order. Unexpected or not, there is still love in our hearts for another little one. Chaos already existed with three, but four ups the ante. So we say, let the chaos begin! 

Ok, so that last exclamation point is probably fake news. We know having four young kids will not be easy, but we also know there will be moments where we can't help, but just laugh. If you're still interested, come along with us as we embark on this new, exciting, and somewhat terrifying, journey of raising four kids.